Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize