Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
