I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
