I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I could fuck to npr.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize