miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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