I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
