I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this is an emotional support booty call
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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