The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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