well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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