Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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