Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
