He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
