So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
