thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
