Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
