Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
