it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
