This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
