My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
