for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
