I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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