I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
