Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
