Apparently you make a good broom.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
