it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
