i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
