i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
