Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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