I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
