Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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