We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
