I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
