The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
