there's paper in my vomit.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
