I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Someone came in the potted fern
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