Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
