There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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