I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
