True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize