I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
