yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
