You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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