my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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