didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
