my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I looked at my own cervix.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
