It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
