We got so high we made milksteak
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
