Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
