He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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