I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
