dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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