the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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