New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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