Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
