You really coming over, don't trick.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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