She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize