All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
