whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's always time for handjobs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
