i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
