Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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