Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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