i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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