very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
