the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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