I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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