when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
