speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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