Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it hurts more in the daytime
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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