it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
