You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize