I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
