I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
