Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
